stowaway

the last four years, were filled with too much acceptances or struggled to accept it, revenge plans, or lots and lots back up plans like trying to forget and forgive and lived with it, which ended up in more and more lies to self more and more denial more and more questions and doubt and really what am i trying to prove here? I've collected way too many evidences. and it is unfortunately tiring, killing me inside, eating me alive, I've tried almost everything to achieve too many goals that are useless and meaningless, because it was all lies, that I've lost myself along the way. I locked myself a little bit too long on things that i thought i would never achieve because I believed I can't, because I already believed that i am limited without even know what the limit is. I lost my interest almost in everything without even got the chance or let myself find out what it is. And please do mind my bad English because my mind were way to cluttered. I feel like I've wasted a freaking 4 and half years to prove myself i can or to prove them that it was wrong and yet til today i really don't know what i have to prove. It turned out to be nothing. which makes my last four years become more and more meaningless. I want to believe that there's nothing late for everything, but it turns out like it is already late. and in this very short break i got myself wonder which step i have to take. It is gonna be devastated to waste another year or day or even second to continue my four year journey. Yet it has been a pretty long journey just to leave it all behind. It is just that how am i supposed to find myself in a journey where I didn't even bought the ticket myself, i am just a stowaway.